I used to really want to know how this happened and where was I exposed to this thing that mutated my DNA. Even 3 years later, I still wonder if God will ever give me that answer here on Earth. I don't think knowing would change the outcome for me or make me live my life any different. I just want to know that I did everything that I was supposed to do...
Sometimes, I even catch myself not wanting to take the medicine. Oh, how I really despise taking pills. There are days that my face looks puffy, my weight just won't go down and I just want to give up. But something keeps me going... God always seems to remind me in some way that I am not quite finished here. He gives me little trials and blessings.
It could be my youngest wanting me to make his oatmeal or my oldest needing something mended. It might even be in my car singing and able to get through one praise song without the pain or even simply my loving husband bringing me hot tea with just the right amount of honey...
These little things seem so small but they are huge to me because I am here in the midst of them and they make me long for my heavenly home with no more fake smiles and "fine" answers when I just plain hurt. Each day I am reminded by God that all I have left is to try to do His will until He says you are done... One day, Some day, I will not have these issues and all will be well and good.
